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  1. Loli-Kitt says:

    Hola! I’ll help out! Are you doing videos with these? I’d Lo e to do some voice acting if you’ll have me? I may be able to help out else where too 🙂

  2. Coolio, I will put you on the list. Thank you.

    Supermarket Matters is going to just be audio, but future projects may have video. Let’s see how this goes.

  3. Loli-Kitt says:

    Okie-dokie! My face was not made for video so I’m more than happy to help out where I can 😀

  4. Joe says:

    Can’t wait, it’s gonna be great fun.

  5. Pete Bayliss says:

    Hi,
    Great to be on board!
    Already got a draft tannoy sound and some background muzak rendered and ready for you all.
    Will be sending it through on Friday evening!

    Cheers!

    Pete.

  6. thelongmile says:

    Hello everyone!

    I’m overwhelmed at Mark’s response to what I’ve done. I see this as simply helping out! I am however, very glad to do so. Being asked to provide a voice over for this project was an honour and a challenge all in itself, so to say I’m looking forward to what comes from it is an understatement. Above all else, Mark has been incredibly supportive and understanding in every aspect, even when moving him across to the server wasn’t going so well!

    Even with this, Marks’ ambition and openness to new ideas has been a real source of inspiration, and I am only too happy to help him out with this!

    Onwards!

  7. Verity says:

    Brilliant day, brilliant people and a fantasic project! It’s going to get super awesome!!
    Vx

  8. Vee says:

    But… Why happened next?!

  9. Pete Bayliss says:

    Well done Mark – This is brilliant! All of the hard work is paying off. Whoooo Hooooo!!!! 😉

  10. Thierry says:

    Hooray! I can’t wait! 🙂

  11. Jaque Thay says:

    Yay! Will we, the writers, actors and crew have a chance to hear episodes before they air publicly?

  12. Verity says:

    Very excited guys – after all the hard work it’s here!

    Will get my PR hat on and see whether I can bag us any reviews x

  13. Christiana says:

    Large lover of the website, plenty of your posts have truly helped me out. Looking towards up-dates!

  14. Patricia Lohmann says:

    I can’t go to my local supermarket now without thinking of the Grab’n’Go, one of these days the shop assistants will ask me why I have this constant smile on my face. Supermarket Matters is just hilarious, hitting the nail on the head! All those things that have got on my nerves for years and years pinpointed and caricatured – makes you realize more than ever how absurd supermarkets can be. And they must seem even more so to people from small villages with corner shops. Getting a chance to laugh at them helps. I love the Whoosh Doors! Crazy! It is such a good idea to make a sitcom out of this material. In fact it was high time someone did this. The technical quality is perfect and so is the acting (lovely characters! I love the “I want my fags” man!)- I hope you can continue far beyond eight episodes. Keep up the good work! Let’s hope it gets really big! I’d listen every week! 😀

  15. I was laughing in the first minute; great start.

    “Now I want you to grease up this woman’s leg.”

  16. Jess says:

    Having worked in pretty much every major supermarket going over the years, this absolutely rings true!

    Looking forward to the next episode, well done Mark! 🙂

  17. Alex says:

    Brilliant !!!

    I could “See” the whole thing happening in my head. The Whoosh breakdown was perfect !

    – I hope the doors develop a mind of their own and chomp certain other people – ie. supervisor and BOOO WOMAN !!

    more please…

  18. Kev Sutherland says:

    Better than most of the stuff on Radio 4,

    Looking forward to the next episode

    If my shoes will let me

  19. Patricia Lohmann says:

    Those doors are definitely evil! A very nice episode, I love the way the doors change their intonation and how the scenario gives rise to all kinds of moods generally…

    • Baz Greenland says:

      The doors are brilliant!I think they’re definitely the most unique selling point of the series so far! Great episode again!

  20. Patricia Lohmann says:

    Another very nice episode! Those doors are absolutely nonchalant! But I wouldn’t mind being offered a cup of tea every time I go shopping, excellent idea, I’m going to tell the doors about it today.

  21. Patricia Lohmann says:

    I enjoyed listening but didn’t find it as funny as the other episodes. More like a “normal” radio play. Nice voices though, and I liked the new speech act the doors acquired this time 😉

  22. Dsm says:

    Brilliant just caught up on episodes 2to4 really enjoying the story. Not laugh out loud like the first one but i just keep smileing at the characters. I am hoping the doors get even more outrageous and staet getting personal !!

  23. Baz Greenland says:

    The script at the cigarette counter was superb. Will never think of olive oil the same way again! Should definitely have more grab and go adverts in future episodes!

  24. Verity says:

    I am NOT. talking. to. you. Julie…

  25. Joe says:

    Whats wolfgagging? 😉

  26. Baz Greenland says:

    Best episode yet!

    Loved the Jurrasic park reference – Ssshhh! They’re learning, clever girls, and the doors becoming more sentient- Brilliant!

  27. Patricia Lohmann says:

    Free range tofu custard indeed…Mrs Haywood is a real pain – haha! Nice episode once again, I like the bureaucratic alcohol scene too. Sheep and wolfganging … I feel like turning it into a film!

  28. Joe says:

    Bad Boy to Bug Clipper! XD

  29. Baz Greenland says:

    Not as funny as the first three but picked up as it went on. More doors please next time!

  30. Baz Greenland says:

    Love the Low fat free range tofu custard! And wolfgagging! And Id-ing a 50 year old…brilliant…and yet not totally unbelievable. And can we learn that last door greeting?!

  31. Baz Greenland says:

    I thin it was my favourite episode yet – made me laugh out loud a lot…which is always a good sign!

  32. Baz Greenland says:

    Another strong episode – the walkie talkie concept was great!

  33. Pat Duxbury (@PatDux) says:

    tidy!

  34. Patricia Lohmann says:

    Haha! This episode has got what it takes – nice tension, lots of emotion and atmosphere, great characters and accents, satire, surrealism and crazy humour once again – you see vivid pictures in your mind’s eye. Very enjoyable.

  35. Baz Greenland says:

    Love the ‘non-speaking role Jones’ brothers! Grunts and all!

  36. Baz Greenland says:

    Great episode! My favourite yet and a great pick up after an amusing but slow episode 7. Laughed at the Hitchikers reference…brilliant build up of sinister tension…Mad Jasper was brilliant…’even Rhyl!’ Love the surrealism and numerous horror references! Door was brilliant as usual…a brilliant portent of doom! Could visualise everything! And was this one longer than the others? Brilliant! More please!

  37. Baz Greenland says:

    Doors were brilliant in this episode – and Mrs Haywood was at her best! Very funny!

  38. Jan Jackson says:

    What a load of puerile, amateurish rubbish! I’ve known schoolkids produce more convincing and witty stuff… No ear for dialogue “O My…” etc and totally composed of cliche after cliche. I hate supermarket shopping but this was actually less productive and more annoying … a blunt instrument and a botched project… pace and delivery wrong and script weak… I can just about glimpse that some bits were marginally funny in the synapses of the writer’s brain but they do not survive the process of ‘realisation’. Sorry, but sometimes – cliches coming up? – “you’ve got to be cruel to be kind” and “you learn from your mistakes” etc etc

  39. Roger Tooth says:

    Very enjoyable and imaginative.

    Can you give me an accurate translation of Ach-ar-fi?

    • Mark Chatterley says:

      ‘Disgusting’ is probably the nearest word in English. But, in my mind at least, it is worse than its English counterpart.

  40. Simon McCartney says:

    Line of the series:

    “My husband is…”
    “Dead?”
    “Worse”
    “English?”

  41. Patricia Lohmann says:

    So funny … I love the contrast between the childish excitement over the goody bags and the sarcastic, if not nasty undertones from the doors and from Simon. Short but enjoyable! Nice sounds, too. 😀

  42. Patricia Lohmann says:

    Hahaaaa! This one is hilarious! Well written, well directed, excellent acting! I love it.

  43. Anastasia says:

    I may have mentioned this before (to much joking from the rest of the cast), but I own chickens and we have an abundance of eggs being laid every day that we need to get rid of. There are only so many omelettes and cakes we can make before our cholesterol punishes us severely…

  44. Rosa says:

    I got a couple of old woks you can have if they any use.

    Also if you struggling for anything why not try Cheltenham Freecycle (http://au.groups.yahoo.com/group/Cheltenham_Freecycle/)

  45. melcolsci says:

    OMG – as in O’my god – no wait that is really superficial. Strike that. Ok so how to review supermarket matters? It is easy. You know when you are driving and you accidently stumble on to that brilliant Radio 4 comedy and then spend an age trying to find it again the next day only to be disappointed. Well Supermarket Matters is like that. It is a hidden gem in the rough a Radio 4 comedy which is not on Radio 4 and since it is not on Radio 4 it is pure comedy.

    Tagline “Somehow they got Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Brittas Empire and a full week of Radio 4 18:30 comedy, melted it into a big pot of honey and poured it into my ears”

    Just go and listen to it if you don’t believe me.

  46. More podcasts, wether they be visiting the wonderful staff at the Grab & Go or perhaps other people / places in that World. Or even a completely new comedy drama adventure. I’ll be there ready and raring to listen.

  47. Jess says:

    More Supermarket Matters please! And I’m really enjoying your first audiobook. It’s lovely to listen to short stories actually, as opposed to novels.

  48. Kathryn Alton says:

    Hi! I am writing to enquire about the Sci-Fi audiobook that you are putting together, and to ask if you might consider a short story I have written. It story concerns an immortal man, relating the events that have transpired during his lifetime. It is currently around 4000 words long, though I would be happy to shorten it if this is necessary. Although I am not yet a published writer, I have just been signed to literary agency Peters, Fraser and Dunlop in London, with whom I am developing my first novel.

    If you think you might have the time to consider my short story for your compilation, please do let me know.

    Kind regards,

    Kathryn Alton

  49. Daniel Price says:

    I really enjoyed the audio version of this book. The story is excellent, gripping and something I think fans of space opera or sci-fi in general will enjoy.

    I did have some concerns about the reading, as it was done by one individual and not a full cast for each character (I haven’t read many audiobooks, though, but this was the case for an audio drama I used to listen to), but that worry was vanquished once I got into the chunk of the main story. The voice actor did an admirable job of giving each character a unique and identifiable voice/accent and it worked very well.

    Overall, I would definitely recommend this audiobook to any sci-fi fan who’s looking for something to listen to for an hour or so.

  50. floppydog66@hotmail.com says:

    With a collection of eight stories, from writer Troy Blackford, In Ear Entertainment, take the listener to dark, and mysterious parts of our world. They create a moody atmosphere with surprises lurking around every corner. Like a great mystery, the environment is described, as the events unfold, usually leading to a unexpected ending. Much like the “Twilight Zone”, or more precisely like it’s follow-up series “Night Gallery”. The reader is treated to a frightful, and occasionally macabre tale about the unusual. Besides the horror elements there are also interspersed moments of humor, with the occasional adult language. The stories seem to steer clear of the gothic, drug, sex, and monster formulas of other horror stories, and focus more on the situations, and personalities of these characters. The characters of the stories are given life by two readers which alternate between one story and the next. Besides simply reading the parts they also act them out, whispering, shouting, and imitating voices of other characters. The female reader Katy Jane can produce a deep and hollow voice of a man, while the guy reader Charlie Elliott is equally good at producing a believable female voice.

    {f} Female reader, {m} male reader.
    1. “I Know Everything You Know About Me” {f} A slow thinking guy, that can read minds, tries to get a free ticket, to a out of the way museum. 2. “Monday Morning” {m} A guy that has the worst day ever, finds that it is what he’s always wanted. 3. “Promising Candidate” {m} A truck driver is about to be hired to drive a unknown cargo, but he starts to get curious about the trucks contents. 4. “For Those With Eyes to See” {f} A craft maker buys items online, and when they don’t arrive she leaves negative feedback for someone named “Crazy Craft Lady”, then various things began to happen. 5. “They Who Cry Out Seek to be Heard” {f} When a air conditioner begins making strange sounds, a young woman is left with some difficult choices. 6. “Discontinuity” {m} A student finds that a scholarship can turn into a fight for his survival. 7. “All in Your Head” {f} A hospital patient mysteriously is so determined to see up his own nose, that he is willing to risk his own life to accomplish the task. 8. “Such a Good Idea” {m} A writer that comes up with the ultimate mystery story, gets overly enthusiastic about telling his wife.

    If you enjoy these stories, they are all included in Troy Blackford’s 13 story anthology ‘For Those With Eyes to See’, along with five others. He has also written several other books, with similar Horror, Thriller, Sci-Fi, and Mystery type themes.

    http://www.troyblackford.com

    The producers of this audio book, ‘In Ear Entertainment’ have also produced live stage productions, podcasts, and radio type plays. Their subjects range from Horror, and Sci-Fi, to Shakespeare, and situation comedies like “Supermarket Matters”. They also produce the artwork for their productions, and hire themselves out to record other audio works, which they could sell directly to customers, for a partner, or as a finished product for a distributor to purchase and then sell on their own. For this audio book three different cover images were made before the current version was released. The first, had a window frame with curtains, a forest background, and a dark snowman type silhouette, with glowing red eyes. In front of it on the window sill, were three jars with different elements from the stories. The second, had a more homemade craft style, similar to the anthology book. A oven with plastic eyes on it, and various kitchen items on it, one of which is a crock pot with the word ‘Inear’ on it. And lastly a two faced cat, with the two faces sharing one eye. Its body is a skeletal frog shape. Wrapped around it is a banner repeating the phrase “It’s Me”, and between its skeletal front legs is a jar from the first earlier drawing. Behind it is a circus type poster with a circle near its center, and stripes of red and white coming from its center.

    https://www.inearentertainment.com/

    A compilation I made, of my favorite moments, from the first two seasons of their “Supermarket Matters” comedy podcast.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=581KPgaVDg8

  51. Jodie says:

    I listen to a lot of podcasts but haven’t dipped my toe too often into the audiobook waters. Nevertheless, I enjoyed Crank Tech One immensely. Colin R Parsons’ writing is often amusing, regularly engaging and sort of nonchalantly horrifying, all at the same time. The voice actor is top notch (particularly the Welsh accent!) and I would (and have) recommended this to all my friends who are in to this sort of thing. Whether you are an audiobook veteran or, like me, have little experience in the medium, Crank Tech One: Destruction is 5 hours of fun you won’t regret.

  52. Dennis says:

    I enjoyed Crank Tech One’s audiobook production. The whole book was quite gripping and the voice talent was so good, I thought that multiple readers were reading the various characters. I enjoyed the action and the build up to the story, but was disappointed in a few things. 1) I’m a stickler for computer terms and the writer misused certain terms in the story. (I had to translate what was meant rather than what was said). 2) The ending. It seemed that the build up was so great that he didn’t know how to end it. It felt like the ending was rushed. Perhaps it’s because I was enjoying the book so much that I had hoped it wouldn’t end.

  53. floppydog66@hotmail.com says:

    Sci-Fi Action, Adventure, and Crank Tech One, too.

    Despite the cover image, and title, the story takes place in modern times, and follows a writer named Tim Bailey. The cover of ‘Crank Tech One: Destruction’ doesn’t capture the humor and wonder of the story. It instead gives the feeling that this book is a cyber punk, robot must ‘kill you now’ feeling, which made me dread listening to the audio book at first. I’m thankful that this is not true. It shows a one armed Crank trying to complete its mission, to open a sealed chamber, but without the second arm needed to open the vault, it sets itself to self “Destruction”. My suggestion would have been to put the silhouette of a person in the foreground, reacting to Crank in the distance. With the person’s hand on his forehead, and gestures as if saying “Could this day get any worse?” The back of the paperback book gives a much better view of the stories contents, with the tag line “Some Robots Should Be Left Well Alone”.

    The books main character is Tim Bailey, a writer of sensational action packed stories. To help promote his new book {about a robot on the rampage} he goes looking for a prop. The book is called “Crank Tech One”, also the name of the robot. Through various misadventures he acquires a prop, that turns out to be a real, hi tech robot. Through a accident the robot gets damaged and ends up using his book as a program, and mission objective. The robot then heads off to the city center of Cardiff, weapons armed, and all sorts of unexpected events happen, as the robot crosses the U.K. country side.

    The character of Tim Bailey is someone who would like nothing better then to write a book, stay at home, enjoy some nice tea, and watching television. The kind of guy that would get tongue tied when a pretty girl makes eye contact with him. As Crank ends up missing, things get more complicated when his 14 year old brother David comes to visit him. Off they rush to prevent the inevitable mayhem, yet at every turn they end up going one step forward, and two steps back.

    There are bully like characters introduced simply by their attributes, Gorilla the grumpy fellow, and Weasle his side kick. There is the annoying, and snooping next door neighbour lady trying to find out what secret Tim and his brother are hiding. Creepy secret agent guys known as Bod and Huey, and even a eccentric scientist. About half way through the book there are two female characters introduced, a police detective, and her college professor friend.

    The story as cartoon type violence, of being cut in two with a lazer, and people turning to ash. There are plenty of action moments, explosions, car chases, and the occasional brawl. The story is generally children friendly, and reminds me of an old 1930’s type movie serials with lots of cliff hangers at the end of each chapter. In some ways it reminds me of the first half of the film ‘Short Circuit’. And a bit of the Isaac Asimov/Janet Asimov book ‘Norby: the Mixed-Up Robot’ with a similar female officer, and the older brother’s relationship with her.

    Unlike the ‘Back to the Future’ movie, or ‘The Goonies’, which have quite a bit of adult language at the beginning, and what some people might consider crude humor. This book incorporates that sense of wonder, adventure, and humor, but in a more ‘all ages’ way. I think that anyone that enjoyed those movies or the ‘Indiana Jones’ films, they will enjoy this book. The book has several references to films of the 1980’s, and to the other science fiction shows like Dr. Who, which had several of it’s episodes filmed in Cardiff. The mishaps, the comic situations, and adventure quest formulas are all here. Supplemented here and there in the story, the reader also gets a glimpse of what the ‘Crank’ is thinking and it’s motivations to complete it’s task. This type of humor, comedy, and dispare of a robot situation gone bad is one of the reasons I loved the earlier animated music video ‘Chiron Beta Prime’, which gives a good glimpse of the world would be like if Crank accomplishes his mission. in that style, this book follows in that line of great sci-fi action, comedy made popular by things like The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

    The author Colin R. Parsons mostly writes children’s fantasy books, all with this sense of wonder and adventure. The story itself is rather good, with the mixture of unbelievability, and realism that draws the reader into going along for the ride. The story also leaves many questions unanswered, and gives a foreboding feeling that this story isn’t over. However it has a ‘several years later’ type ending, which means that any second story would be much later in the characters lives. Just like the main character in this book, Colin also gives talks to schools, and reads segments of his book in public. Several of his other books are also supposed to be turned into audio books, by a company called Living Audio, but so far I haven’t been able to find them. This book is also produced by a different company called “In Ear Entertainment”.

    Colin R. Parsons, author’s website.
    http://www.colinrparsons.com

    Living Audio, audio book versions of his other fantasy books.
    http://livingaudio.co.uk/

    The audio book version of “Crank Tech One: Destruction” by “In Ear Entertainment”, is much like a one man show, where the actor preforms each character, in a different tone, accent, and with different voices. The story itself is written in a way that it can be easily read aloud, and these two features blend together wonderfully. Like any great voice over artist the reader Dave Bulmer, can change his voice in mid sentence, and can shout at the drop of the hat when needed.

    The Audio Book Producer: In Ear Entertainment, producer of audio book version of this book, and creator of other audio book collections, and podcasts, including one of my favorite “Supermarket Matters”.
    https://www.inearentertainment.com/

    The Narrator: Dave Bulmer, artist, singer, comic book writer, commercal artist, and voice over actor.
    http://www.dumpylittlerobot.com/
    http://www.youtube.com/user/DemonTomatoDave

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  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Patrick Montgomery, Mark Chatterley. Mark Chatterley said: New Supermarket Matters blog post. This one by @pjmontgomery http://bit.ly/baYK89 'I'm Writing A What now?' […]

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Patrick Montgomery, Mark Chatterley. Mark Chatterley said: New Supermarket Matters post – Moving on: http://bit.ly/9ktEzA On our new supermarketmatters.com website. […]

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  5. […] Supermarket Matters Welcome to Grab'n'Go. Skip to content HomeAbout the projectAbout the store ← The recording – the run up […]

  6. […] the first episode of Supermarket Matters was finally released on the official website of In Ear Entertainment. After several months of waiting, ten glorious minutes of audio drama landed in my iTunes and after […]

  7. […] stated in the last blog post (New episodes!) we have two amazing festive episodes of Supermarket Matters coming your […]

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