Supermarket Matters – The Grand Opening (Episode 1)

It’s the grand opening of the Grab’n’Go in Llanmorgan and the whole village has turned out to see what all the fuss is about. But not everyone is happy about the new store.

Mr Bradshaw tries his hand at a bit of crowd, Ms Jones organises her staff, Clue is late and Mrs Haywood… well, she just gets in the way.



Mark Chatterley


  • Mr Bradshaw – Mark C.
  • Mrs Haywood – Helen DeVitt
  • Whoosh! Doors – JD Kelly
  • ‘I want my fags’ man – PJ Montgomery
  • Ms Jones – Verity Smith
  • Clue – Ricky Valentine


  • Background muzak and sound effects – Pete Bayliss of Jamyama Media
  • Jingle – Kate Rabaiotti


Alecx Cutter

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11 Responses to “Supermarket Matters – The Grand Opening (Episode 1)”

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  1. Patricia Lohmann says:

    I can’t go to my local supermarket now without thinking of the Grab’n’Go, one of these days the shop assistants will ask me why I have this constant smile on my face. Supermarket Matters is just hilarious, hitting the nail on the head! All those things that have got on my nerves for years and years pinpointed and caricatured – makes you realize more than ever how absurd supermarkets can be. And they must seem even more so to people from small villages with corner shops. Getting a chance to laugh at them helps. I love the Whoosh Doors! Crazy! It is such a good idea to make a sitcom out of this material. In fact it was high time someone did this. The technical quality is perfect and so is the acting (lovely characters! I love the “I want my fags” man!)- I hope you can continue far beyond eight episodes. Keep up the good work! Let’s hope it gets really big! I’d listen every week! 😀

  2. I was laughing in the first minute; great start.

    “Now I want you to grease up this woman’s leg.”

  3. Jess says:

    Having worked in pretty much every major supermarket going over the years, this absolutely rings true!

    Looking forward to the next episode, well done Mark! 🙂

  4. Alex says:

    Brilliant !!!

    I could “See” the whole thing happening in my head. The Whoosh breakdown was perfect !

    – I hope the doors develop a mind of their own and chomp certain other people – ie. supervisor and BOOO WOMAN !!

    more please…

  5. Kev Sutherland says:

    Better than most of the stuff on Radio 4,

    Looking forward to the next episode

    If my shoes will let me

  6. Baz Greenland says:

    The script at the cigarette counter was superb. Will never think of olive oil the same way again! Should definitely have more grab and go adverts in future episodes!

  7. Pat Duxbury (@PatDux) says:


  8. Jan Jackson says:

    What a load of puerile, amateurish rubbish! I’ve known schoolkids produce more convincing and witty stuff… No ear for dialogue “O My…” etc and totally composed of cliche after cliche. I hate supermarket shopping but this was actually less productive and more annoying … a blunt instrument and a botched project… pace and delivery wrong and script weak… I can just about glimpse that some bits were marginally funny in the synapses of the writer’s brain but they do not survive the process of ‘realisation’. Sorry, but sometimes – cliches coming up? – “you’ve got to be cruel to be kind” and “you learn from your mistakes” etc etc


  1. […] the first episode of Supermarket Matters was finally released on the official website of In Ear Entertainment. After several months of waiting, ten glorious minutes of audio drama landed in my iTunes and after […]

  2. […] approval. I won’t copy and paste it here, but it’s the comment from Jan Jackson on the Supermarket Matters – The Grand Opening episode. The way I have the site set up is that the first time someone posts a comment I get veto […]

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